


Popular

by my_mad_fatuation



Series: Loner [2]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9922697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: When Finn starts dating the most popular girl in school, Rae, he soon discovers the dark side of popularity.





	

“Are you sure?” Rae asked Finn.

He inhaled sharply. “I think so.”

“If you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this now,” she said.

“No, I want to get it over with,” he said. “Rip off the plaster.”

“It’ll be fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Really?” He turned his head to look at her with concern. “Aren’t you afraid of what might happen?”

“Like what?” she asked with a slight chuckle.

“You could become as much of a social outcast as I am.”

“So?” She picked up his hand and squeezed it. “Come on, let’s go.”

The two of them kicked off from the tree against which they had been leaning, and walked towards the entrance of the school, hand in hand. It was the first time they’d held hands outside of the privacy of Rae’s home and therefore the first time that anyone would have visual proof that they were indeed _together._

There had been rumours flying around for a while, of course, but neither of them confirmed anything until this point. Now there was no doubt in anyone’s mind; Rae and Finn were officially a couple.

He found it strange walking the corridors of the school at Rae’s side – he was not used to this level of attention. But everyone stopped to look at them. It must have been quite some sight, the most popular girl holding hands and strolling with the biggest loser in school.

Most people said hi to Rae as they passed, but looked skeptically at Finn. He got some polite smiles, but no direct greetings. He was no longer sure this had been such a good idea.

They stopped in front of his classroom and she gave his hand a squeeze. “I’ll see you at lunch, all right?” she said.

He nodded and forced a tight-lipped smile before she walked away. He turned to enter the classroom just as a couple of other students were heading in, and stopped to let them go first. They didn’t go in, though. Instead they stopped and started talking to him.

“Is it true, then?” said one of the guys.

“Is what true?” Finn asked bitterly.

“Is it true you’re hooking up with Rae?”

Finn grimaced at the choice of words. “We’re…” he began, though he wasn’t really sure how to end that sentence. They hadn’t really discussed which terms to use, but he knew that “hooking up” was definitely not right. “…Dating,” he finally said.

The guys in front of him chuckled.

“I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t just seen you two together,” said the second guy, shaking his head. “I’d have sworn you were making up shit.”

“Why would I make that up?” said Finn.

“I dunno, so people would think you’re cool?”

He let out a sigh. “Do I look like I’m trying to make people think I’m cool?” he added, gesturing at himself.

The two guys snickered again.

“I guess not,” said the first one before they headed into the classroom.

Finn followed them inside and took his usual spot near the front of the room, so he could pretend that nobody else existed with his back to them, like he always did. It was proving more difficult now, though, as the girl sitting behind him kept poking him in the back with her pen.

“What is your problem?” he snapped, turning his head to look at her.

She just smiled. “Your name’s Finn, right?” she said.

“Yeah…”

“And you’re Rae’s boyfriend?”

“I guess…”

“You’re, like, really smart, yeah?” she asked.

“I don’t… know,” he said, uncertain of what she was getting at.

“But you understand all this Maths stuff?” She waved her pen in the direction of the front chalkboard, which was covered with the equations from the homework.

“I suppose…”

“Could you… help me with it, then?”

“What?”

“I’m asking if you could tutor me,” she said.

He looked around shiftily. “Like, for money?”

“No,” she replied, “but I’m sure I’d find some way to thank you.”

“Um, I’m kind of busy…”

She reached out and touched his arm that was resting on the back of his chair as he faced her, and he flinched imperceptibly. “I know, but I’d really appreciate the help,” she said. She closed her notebook quickly with her free hand. “I think I’m going to fail this class.”

There was something suspicious about the way that this girl, whose name Finn didn’t even know, was trying to get him to help her study, as if she hadn’t completely ignored him for the past couple months of sitting behind him. Yet today, the day he shows up at Rae’s side, this girl starts chatting him up and rubbing his arm with her thumb. She was obviously trying to get something from him besides help with her homework.

“Mr. Nelson.”

Finn turned to face the front of the room when the instructor called his name.

“I need your attention up here when class starts,” she said, “not socializing with your friends.”

“Sorry,” he said, lowering his head in embarrassment. He could feel everyone’s eyes on the back of his neck.

It was going to be a long day.

***

“Please, please, please,” Stacey said to Rae as she came running up to her in between morning classes. “Please tell me it’s not true.”

“What’s not true?” said Rae, continuing to walk towards her next classroom.

“It’s not true that you’re dating Finn Smellson!” said Stacey. “It can’t be true! It’s just a heinous rumour, right?”

“No, it’s true.”

Stacey groaned and hurried to catch up with Rae. “Look, I know you had some sort of freaky crush on him or something, but you do not date someone like him!”

“Really? Because _you_ were going to, remember?”

“That was a joke. I would never seriously go out with such a loser.”

Rae stopped in her tracks and turned to her supposed friend. “Quit calling him that. He’s not a loser, he’s just not as vain and self-absorbed as you and your lackeys.”

Stacey raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth in shock. “You think I’m vain and self-absorbed?”

“Well, if the Christian Louboutin fits…”

“You know what, Rae?” she said. “You’re a bitch.”

Rae heard people around her gasp as Stacey turned to storm away. There was officially a rift between the two most popular girls at school, and everyone was going to have to start choosing sides.

***

Finn had a spare period before lunch, so he sat at one of the tables outside to read. It was a bit cool out, but with his jacket on he was fine.

“Oi, Nelson.”

When he looked up from his book, he noticed a group of guys heading towards him from the direction of the football field. “Me?” he said when they approached.

“You see anyone else here named Nelson?” said one of them. The others laughed.

“Uh, no, but—”

They started to sit down around his table and he had no idea what was going on.

“Word ‘round here is you caused some big fight between Rae and Stacey and everyone’s taking sides,” said another guy.

“I don’t know anything about that,” Finn replied.

“Don’t worry, mate, we’re on your side. Hashtag Team Rae.”

The first guy nodded. “Yeah, I mean, Stacey’s hot, but she’s a total cun—”

“I’m not really involved in this,” Finn said to interrupt him. He hated Stacey as much as the next person, but he thought calling her vile names was a bit too far.

The others seemed to ignore him, though, so he returned his attention to his book.

“Nearly everyone’s on Rae’s side, though,” said one of them. “The girls like her because she’s nice, and the guys like her because she’s easy.”

Finn jerked his head up. “What?”

“Come on,” said the other guy. “I’m not saying your girlfriend’s a slut, but…”

“—She’s slept with half the football team _and_ half the guys in Debate Club,” said another, laughing.

“I even heard she slept with the History teacher, Mr. Phillips.”

“That’s not true,” Finn said through his teeth. He’d heard that rumour, too, but Rae had assured him it was a lie.

“All right, then.”

The guys seemed pleased to be getting under his skin, which he was used to – what he wasn’t used to was them sticking around.

“So, listen, buddy,” said the guy next to Finn, putting his arm around Finn’s shoulder and causing him to tense up, “do you think there’s any way you could put in a good word for me with Rae’s friend, Chloe?”

“What?”

He slapped Finn on the back jovially. “She just seems like she’d be eager to please, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” said another guy. “I hear she’ll even let you—”

“I have to go,” Finn added as he stood up quickly. It wasn’t that he particularly liked Chloe, either, but he’d had enough.

“Wait – we’re all going over to Jez’s to watch the game tomorrow night,” said one of them, gesturing towards another. “You should come.”

“Um, I’ll think about it,” Finn lied, shoving his book into his bag and leaving swiftly.

That was weird.

***

“That is a bit weird, I suppose,” Rae said after school when Finn told her what had happened.

He didn’t have a chance to tell her at lunch, because they were always surrounded by other people. (He’d left out the part about the boys calling her “easy” though.)

“But I think it’s their way of accepting you into their group,” she continued. “I mean, let’s not mince words; I’m popular. So you’re going to get more popular by association. That’s just how it works.”

“If this is popularity, then I’m glad I’ve never been popular, because it’s terrible,” he said. “People I don’t know keep randomly talking to me and invading my personal space.”

“Aww, I’m sorry,” she said, placing her hand on his as they sat on the floor of her bedroom, side by side.

He didn’t flinch when she touched him anymore, though she still sometimes startled him when he wasn’t expecting it. The other day she ran her fingers through his hair while he was reading and he jumped a little. It made her laugh.

“Do I really have to come with you tonight?” he asked after a minute as he stared at the floor.

“I want you to get to know my friends,” she said.

“Didn’t I meet enough of your friends today?”

“I mean my good friends. Besides, Archie will be there – you like Archie.”

“I tolerate Archie,” he replied, though he was just being facetious.

She nudged him in the shoulder with hers. “Come on. It’s just a pub; it’s really casual. And you can get drunk, if you like,” she teased.

“I’m not going to get drunk,” he said.

***

Rae held Finn’s hand firmly as they entered the pub, looking for her friends who were already at a table. She introduced him to the others – he already knew Archie, of course, and Chloe, but the other two, Izzy and Chop, were new to him.

“Nice to finally meet you, Finn,” Izzy said to him as he sat down.

He nodded tightly. He was embarrassed that his reputation preceded him – for what, he didn’t know.

He was offered a drink, which he declined, but it seemed the others wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he wound up drinking a couple of pints over the course of the evening. He’d lost count, actually.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t one of those friendly, talkative drunks. He was one of the sullen, brooding types – not extremely unlike his sober demeanor. Needless to say, he didn’t talk much.

“I’m sorry,” said Rae when the two of them walked back to her house. “I won’t make you come out with us again; I know you didn’t have a good time.”

“What makes you say that?” Finn grumbled.

“Socializing isn’t your thing, I know,” she said, squeezing his hand. “Please don’t be angry.”

“I’m not angry…” He was not convincing, either.

“We can do whatever you want tomorrow, all right?”

He stopped. “You sure?”

“Of course.”

“No, I mean, are you sure you wouldn’t rather spend that time with someone else?” he continued, growing louder. “Maybe someone on the football team or in Debate Club?”

“What?” She let go of his hand.

“What are you even doing with me? When you could be with any guy at school – or did you already make your way through all of them and I’m all that’s left?”

“Finn!” She couldn’t help but feel offended by the insinuation. “Why would you say that to me?”

It suddenly dawned on him what he’d just done and he took a step back. “I didn’t— I mean, I don’t— …I have to go.”

He turned around and walked away quickly, not even in the direction of his house at first, just away. He figured he’d just ruined everything with his big drunken mouth.

At least he’d go back to being unpopular.

***

Finn tried to avoid Rae for the rest of time, but she found him Monday morning in the library during his free period. Why was he so damn predictable?

“You never returned any of my messages,” she said to him as she sat down on the other side of the table.

“I didn’t have anything to say,” he said without looking up at her.

“Not even ‘I’m sorry’?” She looked at him, hurt.

“Is that really enough, after what I did?”

“No. But it’s a start.”

He finally lifted his eyes to meet hers, but only for a second. “I am sorry,” he began quietly. “I was drunk and angry about what those guys said about you and I didn’t mean it—”

“What those guys said about me?” She frowned with concern and moved over to the seat beside him. “Who?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Those football guys. They said you were easy. They said you’d been with half the football team and Debate Club.”

“Do we even have a Debate Club? I mean, never mind, that’s not the point,” she said.

“It shouldn’t matter anyway,” he continued. “I don’t care about your history; I was just upset and thinking…” He dropped his forehead to his hands and sighed.

“Thinking what?” she asked.

“Thinking that you’d done all this stuff with all these guys,” he said, lowering his voice further, “but we haven’t even kissed yet.”

“I haven’t done _all this stuff_ , though—”

“You’re allowed to do whatever you want, okay? It shouldn’t matter.”

“I didn’t think you even wanted to do anything like that,” she said.

“Anything like what?”

“Kissing.”

Finn could feel himself turning red. If this wasn’t the most embarrassing moment of his life, then he wasn’t sure what was. “I… I don’t know.”

“Look, can you help me with something?” Rae asked suddenly.

He looked at her, confused. “With what?”

“I’m looking for this book for my Philosophy class,” she said. “It’s about ethics. You know the library pretty well; do you know where I might find it?”

“Ethics?” He thought for a moment. “I think that’s Class 170, which is in the far corner of the library.”

She stood up and added, “Come show me.”

He stood as well and led her to the farthest corner of the library, past all the tables and computers, far from the librarian at the front desk. “Do you remember the author’s name?” he asked her when they got to the stacks.

“No,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him away from the shelves.

He faced her, confused by her actions. “What about the title—”

With her other hand, she held onto the front of his flannel shirt gently and pulled him closer. “You know we didn’t come here to look for a book, right?”

His eyes widened and his body tensed as her face drew closer, but she smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

“We’ll kiss when you’re comfortable with it,” she said softly in his ear. “But for now, just hold my hand and come have lunch with me, all right?”

***

Finn waited for Rae after school at the tables outside where they usually met at the end of the day, but instead of meeting Rae he found himself surrounded by his football “buddies.”

“Way to go, Nelson,” said one of them, holding his hand in the air for a high five – which was not reciprocated.

“I didn’t think you had it in you,” another one said with a laugh. “Good job.”

“What did I do?” Finn asked uncertainly.

“You hooked up with Rae-fucking-Earl in the Back Stacks, man!” The first guy clapped him on the back hard enough to make him cough.

“In the what?” said Finn.

“At the back of the library,” one of the other guys explained. “Someone saw the two of you emerge right before lunch.

“Nooner!” the second guy called out, cupping his hands to amplify his voice.

“I’ll admit, I didn’t think you were the type to fool around in the library, but clearly I pegged you wrong.”

“I didn’t _fool around_ in the library,” Finn said defensively, mildly horrified that a rumour was going around that he had.

“Yeah, right. People only go to the Back Stacks with Rae for one thing.”

“Speaking of which, your girlfriend approaches.”

Finn looked over to see Rae walking towards his table and worried that the guys would say something in front of her.

“All right, see you later, mate,” one of them said to him, and they walked back towards the school before Rae got there.

Finn did see one of them high five her on their way past, however, but she didn’t seem fazed by it.

“Aren’t you wondering what that was about?” he asked her when she reached him.

“What?”

“That high five.”

“Oh, Jez always high fives me,” she said. “It’s his thing.”

“Well, he tried to high five me, too.”

“Okay. That’s nice, I guess…”

“No, it’s not nice,” he said, irritated. “He tried to high five me because he thought you and I had fooled around in the back of the library!”

“Oh… Because I took you to the Back Stacks? I didn’t even think of that.”

“You didn’t think of what?”

“Well, the Back Stacks is a good place to make out in private,” she explained. “And, yeah, some students do more than that, but I never have. I swear.”

“That’s not what these guys seem to think.”

“Frankly, I don’t care what they think.” Rae was starting to get irritated now.

“I care!” he said. “I care that people talk about you like you’re a slut.”

She placed her hands on her hips and huffed. “Does it embarrass you?”

“No.” He stood up so he was eye-level with her. “It makes me angry to hear people disrespecting you like that.”

Rae relaxed her stance. “Oh.”

“I… I think I’m just going to go home now.”

“But—”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

***

“Is it true?” Chloe asked when she came over to Rae’s house.

“Is what true?” Rae replied with a sigh, flopping onto her bed.

“That you had sex with Finn in the Back Stacks right before lunch.”

“Oh my god, no!” she said. “I literally gave him a peck on the cheek and that was it. We still haven’t actually kissed yet.”

“Oh, well that’s… Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So, wait, I’m sorry, why haven’t you kissed him?” said Chloe. “Do you not really like him?”

“Of course I like him!” Rae said. “He’s just sensitive about stuff and I don’t want him to feel like I’m disrespecting his personal boundaries.”

“What boundaries?”

“The boundaries that keep me from pouncing on him every damn day, which is what I really want to do. Ugh!” she said. She covered her face with her hands. “I want to maul him like a savage beast, I mean it.”

Chloe laughed a little. “I could see why he might not want that.”

“He just gets so tense every time I do anything more than hold his hand,” Rae continued. “I’m afraid of spooking him if I make any sudden movements.”

“And this is the kind of relationship you want?”

“I just need to give him time to adjust. It took him a while to open up to me and get emotionally close – I imagine it will take time to get physically close, too, but we’ll get there.”

“He’s still a guy, though, right?” said Chloe.

“Of course he is,” said Rae. “What’s your point?”

“Just that I’m sure if you gave him the option of getting some action, he’d take it.”

“Chloe!”

“What? It’s true.”

“He’s… different, though.”

“Guys are guys.”

“I don’t know if I believe that. It takes all sorts, right?”

“So you’re fine just being a nun?”

“I’m not a nun,” said Rae.

“But you’re celibate.”

“For a little while, I guess. But I’ll get him there eventually.”

“And if you don’t?”

“…Then call me Sister Rae.”

***

Finn didn’t wait for Rae outside the school the next morning. Instead he went in alone. He thought it might diminish the number of rumours flying around about the two of them. He was wrong.

He could hear the whispers everywhere he went. About how he and Rae had hooked up in the library. About how they had hooked up in the cafeteria after hours. About how they had hooked up in the disabled toilet. On and on and on.

Each rumour more absurd than the last.

“Shh!” he overheard one girl say as he entered the classroom.

“Why are you shushing me?” said another.

“Because that’s him right there!” the first one hissed.

He walked past without looking at them – or anyone – and took his seat.

“Psst,” said the girl who sat behind him as she poked him again with her pen.

He turned around grudgingly. “What?”

“Are you sure you won’t reconsider tutoring me?” she asked. “We could do it after school, in the library.” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but Mathematics is nowhere near the Back Stacks,” he replied, before facing the front again.

He could still hear the whispers behind him, though.

“I thought she was seeing that guy, Shane, from the football team,” he heard someone say.

“They broke up at the beginning of the term,” he heard another.

“It seems like a bit of a step down if you ask me.”

“Supposedly he’s really great in bed, though. Better than Shane.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“I heard it from Sally who heard it from someone who heard it from Rae herself.”

“Oh my god! So do you think they’re serious?”

“Are you trying to find out if you have a shot of getting in there? Because there’s a line, apparently.”

“No way!”

“I heard he’s also sleeping with Stacey, and that’s why she and Rae aren’t speaking anymore.”

Finn was getting frustrated with all this talk about him, literally behind his back, especially since none of it was true. “You know, I can hear you,” he said loudly, surprising even himself.

The whispering voices turned to gasps, which turned to giggles, and then more whispering, this time quieter so that he couldn’t make out the details.

He could feel everyone staring at him again and his ears started to get hot. He wished he could become invisible for the day. Or maybe forever.

***

“Rae!”

Rae turned around in the corridor at the sound of her name. “Hi, Shane,” she said without enthusiasm.

“We need to talk,” he said to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the nearby disabled toilet.

“Why do we need to talk, exactly?” she asked him.

“It seems like you’ve been saying some stuff about me, and I’d like to know why.”

“I haven’t talked or thought about you in months, Shane.”

“Flattering. But the word around the school is that you’re telling everyone your new boyfriend is better than me in the sack.”

Rae had to stifle a laugh. She hadn’t heard that one yet, but she imagined it must have really been getting to him. “I swear, I haven’t said anything to anyone.”

“Apparently you said that comparing him and me is like comparing a cucumber to a baby carrot.”

That took her by surprise enough that she couldn’t stop the laughter in time.

“What did I ever do to you? That you feel the need to punish me like this?” he asked.

“I’m not doing anything, honest! I mean, it’s funny, yeah, but I didn’t say it.”

“You’re the one who wanted to break up with me, remember? You said you weren’t interested in a relationship. Yet here you are with some other guy and—”

“I said I wasn’t interested in a relationship with you,” she said. “I didn’t rule out other people.”

“You can’t honestly expect me to believe he’s better in the sack, though.”

“We’re taking things slow, actually.” She folded her arms. “But he’s better than you in all the ways that matter.”

“Since when do you take things slow?”

“That’s not really any concern of yours, now, is it?”

“Look,” he said, taking a step closer to her and placing a hand on her arm. “If he’s not able to satisfy you, then maybe I could—”

“I’m fine, thanks.” She twisted her arm away from him and headed out the door.

She didn’t even stop to register the expressions on the faces of the students around her when they saw her emerge with him.

She didn’t even stop to register that one of those faces was Finn’s.

***

“I believe you,” Finn said to Rae, sitting in her beanbag chair and staring at his hands.

She sat at the end of her bed nearest him, but didn’t try to make contact. “Thank you.”

“Just…” he continued. “What is the truth?”

“The truth is that nothing happened in the toilet, I told you—”

“I mean out of all the stuff out there about you, what is the truth?”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“Look, I believe you that you didn’t do anything with Shane today, but you have done some things in the past, right?” he asked. “That’s not all made up?”

“Some of it is definitely made up,” she replied with a sigh. “But some of it is true.”

“Which parts?”

“Do you really want to know this?”

Finn wasn’t sure. “Yes.”

“Well, I’ve not slept with half the football team, for starters,” she said. “I have made out with a few of them, but Shane’s the only one of them I’ve ever slept with.”

He continued staring at his hands, picking at a scab on his finger where he’d gotten a paper cut a while back.

“Besides Shane, I’ve only actually been with one other guy,” she went on. “But I don’t like to talk about him.”

“Okay,” he said warily.

“I realize that people make up shit and gossip about me, all right?”

“If you know that then why are you so nice to everyone all the time?”

“Because I don’t care what people are saying about me. And I know most of it doesn’t come from a place of hatred. Everyone’s got their own problems, and talking about someone else can draw attention away from them.”

He finally looked up at her. “So basically you’re a scapegoat for everyone else’s issues?”

“I don’t care what they think of me,” she said with a shrug, like it really didn’t bother her. “I care what you think of me.”

He could no longer maintain eye contact so he looked back down at his hands. “I think you’re unbelievable,” he said.

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“Good way,” he added with a smile, still fixating on his hands.

She reached out and stroked the top of his head. “You, too.”

***

Finn had learned to live with the chatter around school. He’d learned to live with the random girls flirting with him. He’d even learned to live with the football guys who’d come and talk at/near him about the most inane subject matter.

“You’ll be there, right, Nelson?” one of them asked him when he wasn’t paying attention.

Finn looked up from the book he was reading. “Sorry, what?”

“Party Saturday at Jez’s house,” the other guy said. “I assume you’ll be there, since Rae is going.”

This was the first Finn had heard about any party. “Oh, uh, I haven’t decided yet,” he said, even though he was not interested.

“I’d go if I were you, man,” said another guy. “Rae’s going to be there and she’ll be drunk… Who knows what she might get up to, am I right?”

“I trust her,” Finn replied, returning to his book.

“That’s sweet, really.” The others snickered. “But Shane’s also going to be there; do you trust him?”

That got Finn’s attention.

“He’s planning on hooking up with Rae to save his reputation,” one of them continued.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you’re less of a prick than he is,” the guy explained. “Hashtag Team Nelson.”

“I thought he was your friend,” said Finn.

“We play football together, that’s it.”

“Besides,” another one added. “After Rae dumped him, it was best to distance ourselves.”

“So it’s just politics?” Finn asked.

“Just come to the party. We don’t want another Reign of Shane.”

***

“I told you, we don’t have to go to the party.”

“But you want to go.”

“I don’t want to go if you don’t want to go.”

“All your friends will be there and everyone will notice if you’re not there, so…”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. It’s fine.”

“We’ll just go for a little bit and then we’ll leave, all right?”

***

As soon as he and Rae got to the party, Finn realized that they were going to be there for more than “a little bit.”

There were so many people, all of whom needed a personal greeting from Rae, apparently. Not only that, but she was introducing him to all of them. It was exhausting.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked her, hoping he could slip away for a moment and take a breather from all this socializing.

“Uh, sure, yeah,” she said. “Anything’s fine.” She squeezed his hand before letting him go and continued talking to the person in front of her.

Finn wasn’t sure where he was going, but before he could make it to the refreshments, he was stopped. He had to look up to see who had stopped him, as the guy was so much taller than he was.

Shane.

“Nelson,” he said, giving Finn a small shove in the shoulder.

“What do you want?” Finn replied, folding his arms.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, of all people.”

“I came with Rae, obviously.”

“You may have come here with her,” said Shane, “but I doubt you’ll be leaving with her.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She told me that you guys are ‘taking things slow,’” he said. “You know, I get it; I mean, how do you follow up perfection?” He gestured towards himself. “But here’s the thing: Rae’s not really a ‘take it slow’ kind of girl, if you catch my drift. She’ll get bored and move on. Soon. Like, real soon.”

“I’m not threatened by you,” said Finn. “I trust Rae completely.”

Shane chuckled mirthlessly. “Have you seen her drunk? Because that’s a whole different story.”

“Get out of my way.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Finn continued towards the refreshments once Shane had walked away, but he just couldn’t shake that encounter. Something about the way Shane talked about Rae, like he knew her better than Finn did…

He contemplated what to bring her, but settled on soft drinks. She laughed a little when he returned and handed her a can of ginger beer.

“I thought you were getting me a proper drink,” she said. “It’s all right, though. Someone just came ‘round with shots, anyway, so I’m good for now.”

“I see…” said Finn. “I’ll just take these back, then.” He walked back towards the refreshments, or, rather, stomped.

He wondered if Shane was right; if Rae was actually different when she drank, and if that difference would mean the end of his first relationship – if it could be called a relationship when they hadn’t even kissed. Was she really just concerned about him and his boundaries? Or was she just not interested?

He slammed the cans in his hands down onto the table, startling a few people around him. When he looked back towards Rae, she appeared to be having a great time talking to people. A great time without him.

“Fine,” he grumbled to himself, and picked up a nearly full bottle of vodka.

“Um, I don’t think you’re supposed to take the whole bottle,” said a nearby girl when he started to walk away with it.

He stopped but didn’t look at her. “Do you even know who I am?”

“No, but—”

“I’m Finn-goddamn-Nelson, all right?” he said loudly. “And I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

***

“Have you seen Finn around?” Rae asked Archie after Finn had been gone for a good half hour.

“Is he supposed to be here?” said Archie. “Doesn’t seem like his sort of event.”

“We came together, and I told him we wouldn’t stay long, but now he’s disappeared and I don’t know where he is.”

“He probably just went somewhere quiet to get away from all the people. You know him.”

“Yeah…” she said. “I knew I shouldn’t have brought him here…”

“Is everything all right with you two?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“It’s just, one minute the word is that you two are getting hot and heavy all over the school grounds, and the next minute it’s that you’re taking it slow and haven’t even kissed yet.”

“Where’d you hear that?” She thought that Chloe was the only person she had told about them not having kissed – and she figured Finn wasn’t going around telling everyone.

“I dunno, it’s just out there.”

She sighed. “I really need to find him.”

***

“Piss off!” Finn said loudly when he heard the door open. He didn’t even look to see who it was – he just assumed it was a couple looking for a place to fool around. But he had claimed this room nearly half an hour ago; it was his now.

“Finn?” said Rae as she turned on the light.

“Oh,” he replied, glancing at her. “It’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me. Why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“Because I’m sick of it.”

“Of what? The party?” she asked.

“The party. The people. The notoriety,” he said. “I miss being a nobody.”

She came and sat down on the bed next to him. “You were never a nobody,” she said. “But I know what you mean. It can all be a bit much.”

“And then there’s you.”

“Me? What about me?”

“Do you even like me?” he said.

“You know I like you. Don’t be silly.”

He leaned forward and pressed the heels of his hands into his forehead. “I just can’t stop thinking that you don’t want to do anything with me because you know I’ll never be as good as your last boyfriend.”

“Are you serious?” she said. “That’s never even crossed my mind.”

“He claims you’re going to get drunk and leave with him tonight.”

“Yeah, well, he’s an idiot. Even if I were to get drunk – which I’m not – I would never go anywhere with him!”

“You went into the disabled toilet with him…”

“Do you seriously not trust me?” she asked, reeling back a little.

It was then he realized how much his words were hurting her. “No, I do,” he insisted. “I’m just…”

“Insecure, maybe?” She tried to say it as gently as she could, so he’d know she wasn’t trying to insult him. When he turned to look at her all of a sudden, though, she worried that he might have taken it the wrong way.

But he didn’t say anything. He just looked at her; stared at her.

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean—” She stopped when he held onto her hand. It was the first time he’d initiated physical contact with her since their first hug.

“I don’t want to be insecure anymore,” he said quietly. “And if the reason you haven’t kissed me is because you think I don’t want to, then you should know that I do.”

“Oh.”

“Unless you don’t want to…”

“I do want to,” she said as she eyed the nearly empty bottle of vodka on the bed next to him. “But I don’t think now is such a good time.”

He let go of her hand and shrunk in on himself. “Okay…”

“I just don’t think you should have to be drunk in order to kiss me.”

_But how else am I going to do it?_ he thought.

“Do you want to go home now?” she asked.

He nodded solemnly.

She picked up his hand again. “Let’s go.”

He pulled his hand away. “I think I’ll go by myself,” he said. “I need some time alone.”

***

Rae wasn’t sure how much time was “some time,” but it had been several days since she had seen or heard from Finn. He wasn’t in any of his usual spots at school, and he wasn’t replying to her messages. She worried she’d really messed things up with him.

After the fourth day, she decided to go see him in the one place she knew he would be outside of school hours – his room.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, setting down his book that he was reading in bed when she appeared in his room.

“Your dad let me in,” she said.

“I mean why are you here?”

“I haven’t seen you since the party. I missed you.”

“Oh.”

“Did you miss me?”

“I don’t know,” he lied. Of course he’d missed her, but he was too afraid to tell her.

She closed his bedroom door behind her and went to sit on his bed by his feet. “Did I do something to upset you?”

He shrugged and sat up, tucking his feet in close.

“Talk to me,” she added. “What did I do?”

“Nothing,” he grumbled. “I’m the one who messed things up.”

“How so?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything at the party.”

“What do you mean? What shouldn’t you have said?” she asked.

“That I wanted to… you know…” he said, resting his chin on his knees.

“Kiss me?”

He folded his arms in front of his face to hide. “I feel like an idiot,” he said, muffled.

“Come here,” she said as she tugged on his arm to get him to open up.

He lifted his head and looked at her as she pulled him closer. He lowered his knees and she wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

“You’re not an idiot,” she said into his shoulder.

He kept his arms at his sides for a moment before cautiously settling them around her back. She squeezed him tighter.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, letting his face rest on her shoulder as well. “I shouldn’t have run away from you.”

“No,” she said, “but I understand why you did.”

He inhaled deeply to calm his nerves. He couldn’t help but notice that her hair smelled really good. “I like you a lot,” he finally said, glad that his face was hidden from her.

“I like you a lot, too,” she replied, smiling over his shoulder.

She lifted her head and turned towards him, kissing the side of his face. She lingered for a moment as he turned towards her as well, until his nose bumped hers and he stopped. She could tell he was nervous, as his breath was uneven.

With his eyes shut tight, he pressed his face closer to hers until their mouths were barely touching. Her lips felt warm and soft, and he couldn’t help but push his more firmly against them.

Rae had been right, it turned out; kissing her did rock his freakin’ world. He’d forgotten about all the things that had made him afraid to kiss her – all the rumours and the threatening exes and the feelings of inadequacy.

None of that mattered anymore.

***

Finn and Rae walked into the school hand in hand the next day. There were whispers, of course, especially after what had happened – they’d disappeared at the party, then left separately, and weren’t seen together since.

But Finn didn’t care. He knew where he stood with Rae now, and that was all that mattered.

“I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?” Rae said to him when they got to his classroom.

She gave him a peck on the cheek and started to walk away, but he didn’t let go of her hand. Instead, he pulled her back in and kissed her full on the lips.

He had to make up for lost time, after all.


End file.
